questions

I believe most small group leaders spend too much of their prep time on the study. I don’t say this because I don’t believe group studies have value, but because they don’t hold more value than other parts of a group meeting. Jim Egli and Dwight Marable’s research findings show that time spent preparing lessons has absolutely no correlation to any group growth outcomes. If you want to lead a group that is healthy and growing, you need to prepare for your entire meeting and not just your study. Here are five ways to allocate your time to make a lasting difference: 

Pray

The biggest different between groups that grow and groups that don’t is a leader who prays. Egli and Marable conclude that it’s much more important to prepare your heart than it is to prepare your notes.

Before you start praying for your group members, you might find it helpful to pray for the various things that are on your mind first. This will help you settle your thoughts so you can then focus on the people in your group (Simple Prayer is an easy way to do this). Once you’ve done this, pray for the people in your group and the various things they’re facing. You’ll be surprised by the amount of things God will prompt you to pray about.

Pray for the people that your group members share their lives with (family, co-workers, neighbours, teachers, etc.). Pray that God will bring new people to your group. Pray that your meeting times will be impactful and inspirational. Pray for the health and unity of your church.

Make a point of telling your group that you regularly pray for them and then ask them what they would like you to pray about. They’ll feel encouraged, you’ll learn more about them, and your relationship will grow.   

Connect with group members

Experiencing community is an expectation that many people have of their small group. For all the good that can happen in group meetings, it can be challenging to schedule “community building time” into your agenda. You can certainly choose activities that will encourage a sense of community, but this can’t be forced.   

How much time do you spend preparing a study for your small group? 

In my experience, most small group leaders spend a disproportionate amount of their preparation time on the study. I know I’ve done this—especially when I feel I’m short on time. I do it because the study time feels like the one time when I’m “on” as the group leader. If I’m not prepared, people will just sit there and stare at me. If I don’t have an activity ready, the time will mercilessly drag on. Who wants to face that setting with nothing prepared? I know I don’t. Which is why I fell into the habit of using most of my prep time getting study questions ready. 

The problem with this approach is that small group meeting times are much more than just a study. Time is divided into many activities—there’s socializing and eating and maybe an ice-breaker too. Group members sometimes give updates on their lives and prayer requests are usually shared. These activities are ripe with potential for relationship building, edification, and transformation. But are you spending much time preparing for them?  

Leaders often assume that their group’s study time is the most important time of the meeting. But would this view be shared by their group members? My guess is that nearly everyone in your group didn’t carve out a night in their calendar to increase their Bible IQ. They’re likely looking for something else. Spending the bulk of your time and energy on a Bible study will give your group a Sunday school experience in someone else’s living room. Will this really make a difference in people’s lives? 

Most people don’t need to learn more, they need to live more. They need people to pray with; they need people to challenge them; they need people to share their victories and frustrations with; they need people to stick with them when they fail. Preparing a study isn’t a bad thing; it’s just not the only thing.  

When small group researchers Jim Egli and Dwight Marable surveyed more than 3,000 group leaders, they made a fascinating discovery: “Time spent preparing the lesson shows absolutely no correlation to any of the group growth outcomes.” That’s right; no correlation. 

Disciples of Jesus want to help others become disciples of Jesus. But this is sometimes easier said than done. How can you help people take their next faith step without being too prescriptive? What's the balance between sharing your own thoughts and allowing God's Spirit to move an individual into action?

I've found four skills to be especially valuable in helping people take next steps based on the Leader Breakthru Coaching approach.

Skill #1 - Listening

We all know that listening is important. Yet, most leaders are not listeners. We typically pre-conclude and make recommendations because we think it's more efficient. Leaders like to fix people and things quickly.

Active listening is holding off judgment and really trying to hear what the other person is actually saying and even thinking. To do this, we need to practice the 80/20 rule – listen 80% of the time and only talk 20%.

Here are five tips to help you listen better:

• Listen with your mind – pay attention to what the other person is saying. Don't let your mind drift to other matters, even though they may be pressing.
• Listen with your body – body language often communicates more than our words. Active listening means that we are facing the person and maintaining appropriate eye contact (and not looking at our phone).
• Listen with your words – it's important to summarize what you think the other person is saying, so that you know you're hearing correctly (and so the other person knows you are listening and care about the conversation).
• Listen with your intuition – as you are listening, you will sometimes begin to "hear" things beneath the surface. Your intuition will notice subtle cues that will help you say things that nudge the conversation in productive directions.
• Listen with the Spirit – if you're a follower of Jesus, you can be confident that the Holy Spirit is guiding you. Ask Him to give you insight into the conversation and then to guide your responses.  

Skill #2 - Expanding

Expanding is all about asking good questions that help the other person think in different ways. As Terry Walling, Executive Director of Leader Breakthru, has said, "Discovery is about ownership. That which an individual discovers, they have a greater propensity to implement."