Christians seem to have a love-hate relationship with conflict. We love to disagree (there are, after all, approximately 33,000 denominations in the world), yet we often feel bad about engaging in conflict. It somehow feels dirty. As we engage in theological debates and argue about church decor, ministry methods, and a host of other very important matters (or at least they seem important at the time), is there such a thing as healthy conflict?

Conflict naturally occurs when individuals or groups collide over differences in ideas, preferences, or actions.

I’ve only met a few people in my life who relish conflict. Why do we avoid it – sometimes at all costs? I suspect many of us are afraid of entering a complex emotional zone where anything could happen. Or we may fear offending others and being disliked or rejected by them.

There are many personal reasons why we often sidestep controversial issues or gloss over relational tensions; however, our avoidance tactics may also be fuelled by a faulty theological understanding of peacemaking.

How do people called to live as peacemakers engage in peaceful and transformational conflict within the church? The early church did not always engage in healthy conflict. However, the first story in Acts 15 provides some helpful pointers for constructing a peacemaker’s guide to addressing conflict in the church.

1. Engage the issues that divide us
In Acts 15:1–2, a group of Jews from Judea were telling the believers in Antioch they needed to be circumcised. Their teaching resulted in sharp debate with Paul and Barnabas. As a result, the local church leaders appointed these two men, along with some other believers, to bring this question to the apostles and elders in Jerusalem.

I applaud these local church leaders for being willing to pay the price to engage this controversial and divisive issue that had both theological and cultural underpinnings.

The church leaders in Antioch knew that Jesus was the ultimate example of a peacemaker. In Ephesians 2:14–16, we read, “For he himself is our peace, who has made the two groups one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility, by setting aside in his flesh the law with its commands and regulations. His purpose was to create in himself one new humanity out of the two, thus making peace, and in one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility.”

This amazing story from my friend Jackie demonstrates a thankful spirit even when life gets tough:

I was in a serious car accident the day of our 15th wedding anniversary.  To make a long story short, someone carelessly bombed out of a driveway across two lanes of traffic, trying to make a left turn around a transport parked next to the curb, and "forgot" there might be someone on the other side of that truck that he couldn't see.  

He hit me on the passenger side of my car - thankfully I was alone! - and shoved me across the yellow line into oncoming traffic...and my little Neon went into, and under, the front of another tractor trailer.  

When my car stopped, which was a miracle in itself at 55 km/hr, what was left of the front end of my car was pushed up to my knees. The grill of the truck, which broke my windshield and bathed me in glass, was close enough for me to see my reflection.

Why am I telling you this, you may ask?  Not to invite you to a funeral, or to be melodramatic...but because I felt compelled to share what God did for me in that moment that everyone dreads, when your life hangs in the balance (and I had time to see the transport coming and think, "Uh, oh, is it my time, God?").  

We want everyone to know what God is capable of, in one of those rare times that you get to see it firsthand.  By the grace of God, I walked away from my car (after they got me out) and rode with my husband to the hospital. That night, I came home to my own bed with no heart problems, no fractures and only a few, tiny glass cuts.

So this Thanksgiving is an opportunity for us to celebrate God's sovereignty, protection and grace once again.  We know that He could have chosen for it to end differently, and that still wouldn't have changed the truth of His love or provision for us...

How can we be thankful, like Jackie, even when life goes sideways?

One way is to believe that God is God. He is sovereign (Psa. 93). That doesn’t mean that bad things won’t happen to us. However, we can trust that God’s ultimate purposes will prevail. 

“There are two kinds of people in our world: those who pay interest and those who make interest.” I heard Andy Stanley share this statement a number of years ago and I'm reminded of it whenever I think about how to manage my financial resources.

It’s hard to imagine anyone wanting to pay interest instead of making it, but it easily happens when we don’t transfer our intentions into a plan. And sometimes the best motivation for making a plan is recognizing that our current pathway is headed toward trouble.

Mary Hunt is a bestselling author whose most recognizable book is called Debt-Proof Living. Here are her top warning signs that your interest-paying tendencies are headed toward dangerous debt trouble.* 

You’re living on credit
For example, you carry a credit card balance from month to month or you pay for things with credit because you don’t have enough money in your checking account.

You pay your bills late
You count on next month’s paycheck to pay for this month’s expenses; you schedule your payments based on the balance of your bank account instead of the deadline of your bill; you willingly pay late fees because you think of them as the price you must pay for your current financial situation. 

You’re not a giver 
You like the idea of giving money to your church or a charity and you plan on doing this once you have enough to cover your necessary expenses; you call yourself a giver-in-kind because you regularly drop off your old stuff to a thrift store; you reason that you can’t give what you don’t have.

You’re not a saver
You reason that once you cover your necessary expenses, you’ll be able to save a lot; you think of your available credit as your savings.

You dream of getting rich quickly and living an extravagant lifestyle
You find yourself wanting excessive things even though you can’t pay for what you currently have; you quickly show interest in the latest get-rich-quick opportunity. 

You worry about money
You think about money often; you answer your phone with hesitation or fear; you think of ways to hide purchases or bills from your spouse.

You overspend your checking account
If you’ve fallen into your overdraft protection plan more than twice in the past 12 months, this is a serious indication that you’re about to be snapped into the jaws of the debt trap.